I Am Still Alive

And I’m a Pokemon! Thanks Pinkie, this is the coolest thing ever. And in case you are lost already, my blogging bestie Pinkie does this fun thing where she makes you a Pokemon. Here’s me. She really knows me, too. This is so spot on I could use it for an intro or an about page. Hmm, maybe I will.

Shockingly, given the spastic nature of this blog, I have 42 followers. I suspect a few are mostly here to promote your own blogs, but at least pretend to read the entry you comment on and like, okay?

I turned 62 a few days back. Who knew? Well, I did. I mean, I plan to live to be 100 because I’m sure it will be interesting. I may add a few more years if I’m still interested. 😛 Some of my best friends in life expected me to die by the time I was 30. Hah! Pfffft!

If I had done a cake you would probably be able to see the candles from outer space

Sorry for the flow of thought post. OTH I did one before and people liked it. Maybe I should make it a regular feature. Seriously, some days it’s about all I’m up to. But I feel they require an apology because I’ve written professionally and so I feel like an article or story must have a POINT, a beginning, middle and end and a proper plot of some sort.

That said, I also spent a good many years blogging professionally (or trying to) and set up blogs with focused subject matter and schedules and … well, this blog is sort of a disaster compared to those. This is an almost unintentional blog. It was set up near the end of my writing career and neglected for years, then used mainly so I could comment on anime reviews, so it’s never really had any purpose of it’s own. Poor blog. Patpatpat. Then of course WordPress went to this new “editor” and what little organization this blog did have went to shit.

A few days ago I commented on something and said “out loud” something I’ve been privately thinking and worrying on (like a dog worries a bone, going by for a nibble and a chew then reburying it). I’ve lost the urge to create. This is huge to me. I’ve been creating as long as I can remember, art, writing, something all the time. Then I did it professionally and overall I have to say things went to shit.

In my oddball life I’ve largely been punished for creation, and the bigger and better and more popular my creations become, the greater the punishment until the State of Nevada basically said they would kill my husband if I continued to create. (It’s a long story and I don’t want to sully this blog with it). I really have to make sure no one gets any idea that I could possibly be earning a fucking PENNY on anything I do or the punishment will be dramatic, swift, and dire.

I AM NOT EARNING A SINGLE PENNY FOR ANYTHING ON THIS BLOG. YOU MAY SEE ADS. THE INCOME FOR THOSE GOES TO WORDPRESS, NOT TO ME. REPEAT, I HAVE ZERO INCOME FROM THIS BLOG OR ANY ADVERTISING OR LINKS ON IT.

I’ve lost all desire for sex, too. You suppose it’s the same hormone? LOL. This, too, is hard to believe if you’ve known me during other parts of my life.

Speaking of sullying this blog, I did have another blog on blogger that turned into a personal blog that largely kept friends and family up on hubby’s health issues. During 2016, a year he spent mainly in the hospital, it became an intense and horrible record of the cruelty, profit mongering, and uncaring state of the current medical establishment. It got really angry and negative. I got really angry and negative. A year of having to literally defend my beloved from the doctors and nurses and so forth who SHOULD have been working to better his life but who actually, I swear to God, seemed to be TRYING to KILL him, and certainly trying to force me OUT of the situation so they could do as they will without someone in their right mind examining their “treatments” and motive. It was awful. It’s over and behind us now (although I’m wiser) and that’s where I want it to be. Still, I want the blog up there for others who may run onto it as they fight the medical establishment. Maybe it will help someone someday. But I don’t want to drag that around behind me. It’s not part of our lives now (because we outsmarted them in the long run, nyah nyah nyah nyah-nyah-nyah) and it isn’t part of THIS blog. So that’s why this one finally started being used a little bit here and there to update the family and friends.(Love you more than you know) I’ve really tried to keep it more of an upbeat and positive place to visit without all the angry ranting. I said I’ve TRIED. Sometimes I just have to vent.

Anyway. Here’s the deal. I’m going to see if I can’t do SOMETHING that will kickstart my creativity, and my desire to create or if it’s something (like many other things) that I’m content to let live in the past. Feel free to ride along on my experiement/experience if you wish.

Due to my current state of no inspiration and wandering lost among the cacti I thought it might be fun(ish) to test out some random blog post idea generators. So today I tried this one on Hubspot. It asked me for five nouns. It was tough – LOL – but I managed to come up with five subjects I am interested in (in general that actually should be NARROWED it down to just five subjects -such is the depth of my malaise) and it gave me five blog post titles to go from.

(Edited later to add links to the articles)

The mind boggles. There’s a couple there I could probably write a book on. At least one I don’t feel remotely qualified to write about. A haiku (LOL). And one that should be lots of fun for me to go down the rabbit hole on. (I’ve already been down one rabbit hole in this post and then I didn’t even talk about it).

I think I should probably set myself a schedule or I’ll just wander off and never come back to this. Wouldn’t be the first time. Daily is beyond me, especially this time of year when the afternoon temp reaches 115F and the temp inside the Firefly reaches 101F and my brain melts and my body says SLEEEEEEEP. (I learned siesta in New Mexico – I like it) I am seriously considering setting an alarm to get up an hour earlier in the mornings to write. This is huge for me. I DETEST getting up to an alarm. I’m NOT a morning person. If I am up at 4 am it’s far more likely that I simply have not slept all night. Yet during this time of year, 4 am is the only time of day that it’s cool enough to THINK.

It kinda feels like this…

Living in Nevada has been an exercise in bending myself to fit into this climate. I was surprised, as I did bend a bit to live in New Mexico but loved it. Here, it’s bend or drop dead. Nevada doesn’t gently encourage you to learn to live with the climate, it pounds the hell out of you until you learn to deal with it somehow. I’ve already made an enormous change in learning to literally hide in the house all summer instead of spending the warm months outdoors. The “warm months” here are spring and autumn. Bracketed by brutal summer and shitty winter (that teases by tossing out a nice day here and there). Flow of thought.

I have kind of a weekly schedule. Saturdays I watch cartoons most of the day. Sundays I hang out with hubby and we play mostly analog games together. Monday and Tuesday in general I blog, read blogs, and knock the email inbox to zero. Or try to. Wednesday/Thursday I binge watch anime. Fridays are for gaming. That’s a very general and open sort of intentions schedule. Now where do I fit in blogging? Like, you know, really blogging? Intentionally. LOL. It might interfere with my gaming time. I’m addicted to my Nintendo Switch.

You know what. I really do feel like this needs to be daily or I’ll just wander off. Sigh. I’ll set an alarm. But I reserve the right to actually write at say… 2 am and then turn the alarm off and get that hours sleep. My sleep is really erratic right now, so I do tend to grab it when I can.

I was going to tackle the first subject today but then I got to rambling this flow of thought thing and well, it’s a long post, eh? Tomorrow. How weird to start something new practically middle of the week. But then, that’s okay because I have noticed that most of my readers show up on Friday. If you really only check on this on Fridays (I’m amazed you check it at all with a two month hiatus last time) you’ll have a big surprise waiting…

I’ll give it a week – these five posts plus a couple random – counting this one – and see how I feel and how I’m doing. Feel free to chime in. Jump in, the waters…lukewarm. LOL.

OMG this is so ME

Blessedbe

P.S. All of the photos here, and in general illustrating my posts are from ABSFreePic.com.

11 comments

  1. Sorry to hear about the heat. I complain when it hits 95. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like even higher!

    I’m looking forward to reading your experiments with the idea generator.

    1. Thank you. I complain about the heat some more LOL. As much as I love it warm, it’s finally gone past anything I can bear here. 😛

  2. We lived in South Texas for 11 years, just 10 miles from the Mexican border. Heat is definitely something you have to adjust your lifestyle for.
    I’ve taken a break from blogging for the last few months too. Burned out a little from daily blogging with several challenges. Those did get me fired up at the time but now I’m having trouble getting motivated. I’m glad to see your post and hope more will follow.

    1. I’ve been missing Toni and her delightful stories and outfits, but I know that must be a lot of work. She needs to do a bikini edition for summer! Thanks for reading!

  3. Awww thanks so much for featuring my post!
    I am sorry it took me this long to get to the posts but as you know I have been very burned out on blogging as of late! I am very interested about your little experiment though! To see if it will pick up!

    To me it’s not really the creating persé that has been lost, rather more the purpose of creating has kinda been lost to me…on WordPress at least! If I have to highlight text three times to get it to be highlighted properly so I can give it the lay out that I want, I wonder if it is worth.
    If I had your heat added with that I would lost the creative urge as well. Well not the urge, the capability.

    I think I’d say WordPress has a very low threshold to experience the joy of creating but it is also one of the least rewarding once. What people like in a blog is it’s concept maybe.. or sometimes the pictures.. it is not actually the effort or the words used. It is the idea behind it people tend to take away. “I am glad this anime is good” or “sad you did not like this great game” but hardly ever… that thing that you said about character, I never thought about that but that is very interesting. (There are a few people that do that but they are few and far between)

    i kind of wanted to experiment myself and just shit out the dumbest review about an anime I could do.. something like “I like the linework in this anime and I like voice colours they have selected for their actors” and just summarise the plot and say.. I think it was good that Person A spoke up to person B.. it was a good scene… Just a summary and some meaningless adjactives… to see if it performs better than my high effort posts! But if it did I would completely quit! I could not come back to this….

    Stay stafe and keep the hubby safe in this heat as well and never create because you HAVE to.. I mean I get hy the five posts are something you need to do.. so that is different.. but yeah I love you and appreciate you for what you do.. and I’d rather see you safe then break down because of obligation to an audience!

    1. It is brutal outside already at 10 am over 110 F – but our wonderful blessed new a/c is keeping it livable in the RV at last! Ahhhhh… what a relief. It has literally taken it two days to completely cool it down to 83 inside but now it’s here keeping it here will be easier. I guess the old a/c was struggling more than we knew.

      OMG I had a knock down drag out with WordPress last night because a paragraph ran too long and I decided to break it up! I almost quit, I really did. But my thing is writing and art. I’ve been through quite a few of the various writing platforms, both blog type and like Wattpad or Gather, and it’s audience, it’s my FRIENDS here that is why I am here. It sure isn’t the damn editor.

      From long experience I get it that you work forever on a post and get it all shiny and no one notices it, and you make some snarky 140 character comment and it draws more interaction than you’ve had in a year. I can’t explain that, but I’ve had it happen on every form of communication that you can imagine up to and including personal ads (maybe I’ll tell that story some day, it’s kind of funny).

      Maybe… I throw this out to the audience. Could it be, dear ones, that the beautifuly shiny post is so complete you are only drawn to hit “like” and go um hmmm and move on… but you do remember the pretty shiny thing – while the snarky 140 characters leaves lots of room for you to add your opinion? To add to the conversation? Just a thought.

      I have to venture outside ONE TIME today to get fresh drinking/cooking water. I’m keeping hubby inside for sure.

      Since I no longer write for money, I don’t feel any obligation to my audience. I think everyone here knows I’m a flake and to take me as I am 😛 but I do feel a bit of an obligation to MYSELF. I think dragging myself back to the keyboard and forcing myself to do these has actually been beneficial. And I’m so totally stoked to have gotten some long, amazing discussions going with them 😀 So it’s all good! We’ll see how long I can keep it up, especially now that my brain isn’t a fried egg on the sidewalk…

      And of course I gave your post a shout. I’m so delighted with it. I’ve got it copied and saved in a dozen places, LOL.

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