At the beginning of this year I felt a lot of despair. For my country. For this world. More than that, I felt helpless. I have completely given up on the political system in the United States. I no longer believe in the electoral process at all. Maybe once upon a time in the misty days of the 1800s a vote meant something, but no more. Any 11 year old can hack our current voting machines, and even without that so many have been propagandized into voting against their own interests by using polarizing issues. Well, blah blah blah blah.
But I can’t just sit by and watch the world crumble around me. I’m a healer and an empath.
I read an article that said a study had found that people feel more peaceful and think more about peace if they read a quote, or an article about peace – or even simply see the word peace. Just reading the word peace. Think about that.
Since then I have been trying to post a daily quote, preferably with a graphic like the one above on my facebook, twitter, and pinterest accounts. I’m keeping a written journal, and a private online journal. I have a little thing I’m doing in the physical world as well but it’s very small and I don’t want any kind of credit for it. That isn’t what this is about.
I want people to see the word peace and if they are open, let it into their heart and mind.
Watching one of my favorite psychics video for 2020 gave me some more food for thought and while the main word is and always will be peace (I’m a pacifist almost from birth) I am now open to quotes that speak to me that also speak of the power of love, compassion, and forgiveness.
Today, this quote, I had some thoughts I wanted to share and decided to share them here on my blog. I haven’t written in a very long time to any extent. A good long break was what I needed. Now there are words in my head struggling to get out.
At first glance, I’m sure a lot of people rolled their eyes at this quote. After all, how do you even try to love an enemy, or express it to them if you do?
Back when I worked as an exotic dancer and even when I waitressed or bartended, now and then you would get a customer you could swear hated you, hated women, hated everyone but most especially hated themselves. Depending on how badly they acted out, it was tempting to return their nastiness with some of your own. I admit, I dumped a pitcher of beer over a man’s head once. I’m a work in process, too.
But my reading on self-improvement, and speaking to wise women, suggested another way to deal with them. And I embarked on what I called “nice-ing them to death”. The meaner someone was, the nicer I was to them. I completely ignored whatever nastiness they threw my way, and gave them smiles, loving thoughts, and treated them as if they were my beloved friend. I’m not so self sacrificing that I won’t dodge someone intent on nipple pinching, but I would do it gracefully and without taking any notice of the behavior, still smiling and speaking kindly.
I worked one club where, after our dance set we would walk around the club to each patron and ask for a tip for our dance. It was simply the custom there. Each time that night I stepped up to this man he would say something hateful to me, about me, about dancers, about women in general. He was surly and angry. He was also there alone – sometimes men act that way to impress the people they are with. He was really just that mad at the world – and he figured that I (and the other dancers) were in a position to have to put up with his behavior. Needless to say, he also was not tipping.
For most of the shift, about six hours, I danced about once per hour and after my dance I would go for tips. I would go to this man, ask politely and kindly for a tip. He would snarl. I would continue to smile, be polite, thank him, maybe give him a little curtsy or pat him lightly on the shoulder, wish him a good evening and go on with my business. After the first hour or so most of the dancers stopped going up to him, knowing there was no chance of getting a tip and a good chance of getting an insult. I kept visiting him anyway. With a smile. A kind word. A thank you. Since we also waitressed there I would ask if he needed another beer. You get the picture. No matter how surly and mean he was, I was nice.
Near the end of the night he stopped me.
“You have been nothing but nice to me. I’m sorry I’ve been so hateful. Thank you for being nice to me.” He looked truly regretful. In fact, this big burly angry man actually looked like he might cry. He politely put a wad of money in my hand and held it in both of his for just a moment with his head bowed. Then he rose and left the club.
I don’t know what his story was, why he was so angry and felt like he wanted to be mean, but I do know he left that night just a little bit healed.
When I got back to the dressing room some of the girls gathered around me and asked what I “did” to him. LOL. So I told them, I nice-d him to death. I taught them how to do it.
Now I’m teaching you.
Where ever you are in your life, whatever you do, you will come into contact with people who are angry and frustrated and who think for whatever reason that they can or should take it out on you. For yourself, know that the hatred they feel is not for you – in fact, it is most likely for themselves. Love them. Nice them to death. I don’t promise that they will give you any fulfillment as that man did for me with his words (okay, the cash was nice, too – dancers are the worlds cheapest psychiatrists) but maybe, just maybe, you will heal them a little tiny bit. Maybe it will even be that little bit they need to turn it around, to make them see themselves, to give them a little bit of hope for the outside world treating them kindly. To remind them that we are all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got.