Float Like a Butterfly

For the last several weeks I have been really depressed.  That old black cloud seemed to have rolled in early this year and though there were flashes of sunlight here and there I thought I was ready to curl up and hide for a few months.  Nothing I started got finished.  I would sit down at the computer in the morning and be interrupted every ten minutes for the rest of the day.  In a few hours I would be so angry and frustrated (and trying not to show it) that I ended up playing Facebook games for the rest of the day, or watching anime, or walking off in a funk and losing myself in a good book.  (I am really paying for all those years of saying “Goddess give me patience” – she is now giving me ample opportunity to learn patience – although I am not sure I’m doing very well at it)

Not that it’s entirely a bad thing.

Yesterday we took the hubby to the Big City for his monthly clinics.  We were braced to be chewed out royally.  He has been slowly sinking into anemia – not at all unusual for a dialysis patient.  They had threatened to begin making him come in three times a month to sit for hours hooked up to an iron IV (which is quite unpleasant, to say the least).  Hubby had already stated to me that he intended to refuse the treatments.

Of course, last month we bought his new (refurbished) computer.  This caused us to be very short on money.  So short that we were not able to purchase the food we have been purchasing.  Mainly this meant we did not buy any meat to speak of.  His dietician has been emphasizing that he must get LOTS of MEAT for his anemia.  Instead, we had to purchase beans, tofu, rice, green leafy vegetables and the vegetarian meat that we can both eat (as I am still vegetarian).  The only meats were a few packs of chicken, and some sandwich meat.  As it is, I skipped a few meals (don’t tell hubby).

(Sidebar)I know for a fact that anemia can be cured by being vegetarian.  I know this because I was severely anemic (as in getting a monthly iron shot) up until I was twenty-five.  Then I finally lived on my own for the first time in my life, and bought and cooked only what I wanted to eat.  And after a few months discovered I had gone vegetarian.  I had also stopped being anemic.  Years later I read that some doctors prescribe a vegetarian diet to cure anemia.  But that is me – I am in good health.  My husband is on dialysis and has no kidney function at all.  So when his dietician said feed him lots of meat – we fed him lots of meat.  Or at least, as much as we can afford to buy.

So we went cringing in to get our talking to (so we thought).  The first good news was the dietician was not available so the social worker would go over that part of the tests with us.  If we thought we dodged a bullet there – it only gets better.  Because the hubby’s anemia is gone.  Gone.  Cured.  All of his several indicators for iron were in the normal range.

Pause.  Think about that.

Yes, so we are going to go back to doing what we’ve been doing for twenty years or so – being vegetarian.  High protein vegetarian.  Try not to laugh, but it is true.  Because I’ve found that I drop to my ideal weight and stay there on the South Beach Diet – modified to vegetarian foods.  Before hubby was on dialysis we had to be very careful with the protein, because most high protein foods are also high purine – which means it caused him to have gout attacks.  Since he has been on dialysis, he seems to have a higher tolerance for those foods (knock on wood) without having gout attacks.  I’m sure the dialysis helps keep the urea from building up like it did when he was struggling along with 10% or less kidney function and no help – not to mention working full-time in a physically taxing job.

Now all of that is kind of a sidebar to my original problem.  Because when we walked out of that clinic I felt like someone had removed an iron weight from around my neck.  I was floating like a butterfly.  Full of energy, happy thoughts, and relief.  I had burdened myself with the idea that I was not taking proper care of my hubby.  We got home, I had a nice semi-napping semi-reading afternoon (Sixkill by Robert B. Parker – a Spenser novel is a good ‘un) and then sat down at the computer and whipped out almost 4000 words on a brand new vampire erotica story (like I need another WIP).  I’m full of ideas and the enthusiasm to do them.  Better yet – the hubby is off doing his volunteer half day today so I might get something done!

The sun is shining.  The hubby is happy.  Pearl is in the living room having papergasms.  It is actually QUIET here for a change.  Whoot!  Ima gonna quit this blogging and go get some work done.


Summer Foovay


    1. Love U and miss U, too. Yeh, my big Halloween decor is on my FK kingdom LOL BUT we get to “do the walk” here so that will be fun – I got a new little black dress at the thrift shop!

  1. Sometimes even in the darkest of moments when all is in despair, a weak flame of hope emerges. With a little judicious fanning, it will burn brightly. Keep the flame burning, follow your inner voice and everything else will fall into place. – Susan

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